I Have A Dream
Today marks the beginning of an adventure that will hopefully see me to the end of my days, and create a legacy that will live on long after I am dust.
I have a dream of creating a community space where creatives can come together to share, learn and grow. Where artists can become mentors and students can step into their chosen craft, try it on for size and sample other art forms before they make a decision to head in any particular direction. I dream of moving forward in my life, contributing to my family income, sharing my works and skills involved in creating them. I call my dream The Artist Incubator. If you would love for this dream to become a reality, please visit the GoFundMe campaign that my friend Jessica Smalls created for me. She believes in my dream.
I am Richard Bear, and I have lived through many things. I will take this opportunity to share with you a little about the life and times of this man with a dream.
Becoming
Who would have thought that at 70 years old I would be entering the online world with a website, blog and a dream? Not me, that’s who! Most people my age are settling in and enjoying retirement. For the first time in my life now, I am stable enough to dream my big dream and toss my wishes into the winds. My earlier life was a series of situations that allowed me to be here. I hold no resentment toward my past or the characters that played their part in the necessary lessons. Because you have taken the time to navigate your way to my blog, I want to share a bit about my past, to paint you a picture so you can maybe come to understand why at 70 years old I am just realizing I can be me.
My twin brother and I were born and immediately adopted in 1947. We were sold for $2700 in a private adoption. You may not be aware of what it was like in Canada at that time. There sure was an effort to erase First Nation’s culture from the people, and certainly a lack of due process for children born at this time. My biological father was First Nations, and my biological mother was Irish. My story began as part of Canada’s attempt at cultural genocide, continued as a human experiment experiencing horrendous abuse by those who “cared” for me, and was followed by years of travel, health issues and healing.
My brother and I were adopted by a white well to do family in Toronto, Ontario. Our childhood was violent and very difficult to say the least. Words cannot come anywhere close to explaining what it was like to be “cared for” by these people, however, I will do my best to paint the picture. My formative years were filled with learning about how my brother and I were only “guests” in our adoptive parents home, that we were worthless...nothing. Our entire experience was about physical and emotional punishment. I was forced to watch my brother receive his beatings. Once when we were about 5 years old, my adoptive father threw my brother down the many basement stairs as punishment for his shoes not being shiny enough. My brother and I were often pitted against one other, surrounded by friends of our adoptive father, expected to fight. The winner won food and the loser lost food. We were systematically starved and required to stand at attention in the dining room watching others eat multiple meals. The food was watched closely and clearly marked as an assurance that we were not eating anything. At bedtime, we were restrained to our beds and locked in our rooms so we didn’t wander.
When I was 8 years old I was sent to private school, while my brother was sent to a detention centre. My adoptive father had advised the Headmaster at the school to use the cane anytime I was out of line. It was difficult to hurt me given what I had already been through. I endured the cane and other physical and emotional abuse daily. When I was 9 years old, after about a year at the school, I ran away. I had learned from my years living in my adoptive parents home how to escape and move silently. These lessons served me well during my life on the road.
I lived on the streets of Toronto and various other Canadian cities. In those early years, I walked, hitch hiked, and jumped freights, stayed in many shelters, sleeping rooms and rooming houses. Many times there wasn’t anywhere to stay, so I stayed out doors on the land. I learned to survive in any environment, unseen and unheard. I was big for my age and looked much older than I actually was, which made it possible to find work in warehouses and service stations. When people started asking too many questions I would move on out of fear of being found and sent back “home”.
I found myself in Edmonton in the 60s where I began learning the tattoo trade, however I didn’t take it seriously at the time. I also married my first wife. We didn’t have any children and divorced shortly after. I married my second wife in 1970, we had a beautiful daughter, who now lives in Italy. This second marriage didn’t go very well and we divorced.
Throughout the 70s I found myself fulfilling my destiny that I recognized was mine at 6 years old when I taught myself to draw. I was back in Toronto studying portraiture under Tom Lemma, who had a studio in the Markham Street Village. I dove into art and began studying abstract painting with Max Epstein at his studio on North Finch Avenue. At that time, my work was shown in a number of art galleries in Toronto. While I was studying with Mr. Lemma and Mr. Epstein, I took a course in screen printing at George Brown College, which led to jobs as a screen printer at All Signs Canada and Holland and Neal. I enjoyed that work so much that I built my own screen press at home and on the weekends would head down to Young and Welsley and sell my art on the street.
In the late 70s, a friend of mine asked me to work with him as a tattoo artist at Midway Tattoo in Toronto. I saw some serious potential as a tattoo artist, and by 1979 I opened my own Tattoo shop on the Danforth in Toronto called Dragonfly Tattoo. It was during my time there that I was featured in many magazines, including; Outlaw Biker and Outlaw Biker Tattoo. I was the first Tattoo artist to be interviewed on The Canada AM show, and I did a couple of shows on CHUM FM too. In the last year and a half I have been recognized and interviewed for my contribution to the history of Tattooing in Canada, and am set to featured in two written works.
My 30s were full of job experiences, and I found myself working as a special service extra, principle actor and special effects guy in the local movie and television industry while I also ran Dragonfly Tattoo.
In 1984 I suffered a mental breakdown and was diagnosed with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the 90s, I lived in Ottawa tattooing under my shop name, Dragonfly Tattoo. It was in Ottawa where I had my first stroke, which was followed by two heart attacks. Later in the 90s, I moved to St. Catherine’s, where I worked as a tattoo artist in a shop called Boundless Ecstasy. During that time I suffered 3 more heart attacks and a complete mental break down. As a result, I admitted myself to hospital. Around this time I was in a horrible motorcycle accident that crushed half my rib cage, which only added to the litany of scars that scattered my body, over half of which I had received prior to running away when I was 9.
Throughout my life I was nearly always on some form of medication. Random pills when I was a child and many different anti-psychotics, and heart medications from early adulthood to midlife. During this time I managed to survive. I was an alcoholic suffering from severe PTSD teetering on a foundation of learning that told me I deserved nothing. In 1986 I stopped drinking completely and began drawing upon my diverse training in Martial Arts. My training began with Akido 1976, which provided me with focus and an experience of a space where I was able to thrive. I hold rank in both Dragon Kempo (5th Daan black belt) and the Koga Ha Kosha Shorei Ryu Kempo Temple Dance Escaping Art system (Menkyo Renshi). It is through this training that I am able to control the effects of severe PTSD, and today I am thrilled to say that I take no medication of any kind. In 2009 I had triple bypass surgery and woke up alive on my birthday. I was thrilled!
Living here in Whitby with my partner, in the most stable relationship I have ever experienced, I find myself nearly living a “normal” life. My dream is to be an active member of my household and create a community for those interested in the arts to learn together and create relationship with other like minded people. Family isn’t always those you are born to, or given to. Family, for me, is the mish mash of people that have filtered through my life and chose to stay....and all those I have yet to meet.
Thank you for taking time out of your day, to dip your toes in mine.
Richard Bear.
